Heart = open today.
The wind kept blowing my tarot cards all over my bed this morning. It didn't phase me much... until I started noticing a pattern. Not like I pretend to know what it means. Nonetheless was quite strange. Knight of swords, 4 of cups, King of wands, 9 of swords, 8 of cups and the strength card. All of them kept blowing out. Each time I would pick them up and put them back on the deck pile. After the 2nd time I figured I'd shuffle them in. Each time they blew onto my bed, those cards would blow out. Mind you, other cards did as well, but those ones always popped out. I'm not sure what the number cards and the strength card entail but the Knight and King card both are indicative of a Man and young man. Would you say we're young adults still or do we classify as men and women now? If not what age does that change at?
Anywho, still no job. It's stripping away layers internally, making it impossible to perform proper mental processes, and have a life. I wake up and think about how I don't have a job. I look for jobs online and think about how I don't have a job. I phone places and think about how I don't have a job. I go to shower and I think of how I don't have a job. I go pee and I think of how I am jobless. I make dinner etc. I'm sure you get the idea. It's constantly on my mind. Two applications in at the WPIRG office so hopefully I at least get an interview for one of them.
Frosh leader interviews are this Saturday! FuPo interviews are this Saturday! Mama and David + the K-man are coming up this Saturday! Saturday will be a busy day I believe. Bah, speaking of frosh week (I'm so excited) I have OLT this week. OLT = Orientation leader training. I wish I had got into this in 2nd year so I didn't have to feel so retardedly old during the sessions. Everyone else is like " a hahaha, ^_^, I'm in 2A". Which makes me want to kill myself. Don't get me wrong, I love the enthusiasm and have nothing against the younger years (for srs!) but fuck me. I'm like "Oh, ha ha... I'm in 4A". Some nice guy made me feel better yesterday though because he was all like "Are you sure you're in Science?" and I was like "Uh, yeah?" and he was like "They're not that many pretty girls in Science!". I am hoping he meant it as in I'm pretty not that I was one of the ugly girls in Science. Health and Safety tonight! I will now know what to do if one of my frosh is being sexually harassed or under the influence of ALCOHOOOL.
What else is new? Oh the BUGS general meeting is on Thursday. Gotta order some funky pizza tomorrow. I'm excited.
New metric album = win
New phoenix album = win
3OH!3 album = win
Other new things:
1.I torrented for the 1st time the other day. That's a big effin' deal.
2.It's been a week since the BIG BUGS CLEAN. The office still looks nice. Lived in, but nice.
3. Court and I went to Vincenzo's deli on Saturday.... fantabulous.
That's about it.
I'm gonna go look up what those cards mean. It's been bothering me all day. However, I have OLT first, guess it will have to wait until I get home.
Peace out homes.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Thursday Morning Thought Process
What's making all that noise? Oh God, why am I wet? Is it raining outside? Did I leave my window open too far?
Oh... it's windy and raining. Well that's nice, I should at least fall back asleep quickly.
*drift drift drift*.
Oh shit! What time is it?
*checks the clock*
BAH! 6:45! Eff this, I'm going back to sleep.
*drift drift drift, toss*
Am I really even tired anymore... the wind is keeping me awake. Well that's what I get for falling asleep at 11:30. I may as well get up... no, no it's only 7:00... go back to sleep Anna you'll be happier you did. However, I could go running. Are you seriously going to go running in the rain? Don't kid yourself, go back to bed.
*eyes close, lightening flashes*
Are you shitting me? Now it's going to storm. Oh hell no! I am pissed now...
*pass out*
Eww... how long did I sleep for? Ugh...8:30. What the, I'm wet again! Why didn't I just close the damn window the first time. That wind is crazy!! It smells good though. Ah, I love the wind. Maybe I'll grab Astro and we'll go sit in the window? Wait... do I have to pee? I think I have to pee. Lets go pee.
*pees, crawls back into bed*
Courtney is gone already. Man this not working thing sucks. My social interactions are limited to a few hours a day. Lets go sit in the window.
*changes into track pants, long john shirt, sweatshirt, hat, adds slippers and grabs a blanket*
Mmmmm the window. Mmmm the wind. I love that smell. Should I read my book? I wish it wouldn't be so far away. I don't wanna movvveeeee. Ok, lets try it! Nope, the telekinetics aren't working well today. One more time?... nope. Fine fine fine I'll just go get it.
*grabs book, laptop too*
Astro, I'm sorry if you get wet. It's not my fault that it's raining. Lets check on Phin and Cuddles.
*opens book, starts reading*
I wonder what time it is now? The sun is starting to come out more, I like it! 11:30 already?! Holy god. No wonder I feel like I'm going to yak, lets go get some food. Should I have real food or cookies and juice? Cookies and juice?? COOKIES AND JUICE!
I love Thursdays!
Oh... it's windy and raining. Well that's nice, I should at least fall back asleep quickly.
*drift drift drift*.
Oh shit! What time is it?
*checks the clock*
BAH! 6:45! Eff this, I'm going back to sleep.
*drift drift drift, toss*
Am I really even tired anymore... the wind is keeping me awake. Well that's what I get for falling asleep at 11:30. I may as well get up... no, no it's only 7:00... go back to sleep Anna you'll be happier you did. However, I could go running. Are you seriously going to go running in the rain? Don't kid yourself, go back to bed.
*eyes close, lightening flashes*
Are you shitting me? Now it's going to storm. Oh hell no! I am pissed now...
*pass out*
Eww... how long did I sleep for? Ugh...8:30. What the, I'm wet again! Why didn't I just close the damn window the first time. That wind is crazy!! It smells good though. Ah, I love the wind. Maybe I'll grab Astro and we'll go sit in the window? Wait... do I have to pee? I think I have to pee. Lets go pee.
*pees, crawls back into bed*
Courtney is gone already. Man this not working thing sucks. My social interactions are limited to a few hours a day. Lets go sit in the window.
*changes into track pants, long john shirt, sweatshirt, hat, adds slippers and grabs a blanket*
Mmmmm the window. Mmmm the wind. I love that smell. Should I read my book? I wish it wouldn't be so far away. I don't wanna movvveeeee. Ok, lets try it! Nope, the telekinetics aren't working well today. One more time?... nope. Fine fine fine I'll just go get it.
*grabs book, laptop too*
Astro, I'm sorry if you get wet. It's not my fault that it's raining. Lets check on Phin and Cuddles.
*opens book, starts reading*
I wonder what time it is now? The sun is starting to come out more, I like it! 11:30 already?! Holy god. No wonder I feel like I'm going to yak, lets go get some food. Should I have real food or cookies and juice? Cookies and juice?? COOKIES AND JUICE!
I love Thursdays!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Heartbreak hotel
La dee da.
Have you ever come to the realization that no matter how hard you work, how good you look, how much money you save, really no matter what you do some things will never be obtainable? I came to that realization on four different accounts today. Each being of a somewhat different category but all semi related.
1) No matter how hard I work, I will never be the smartest girl I know, and I will never get into grad school because of the lack of effort I've put into school over the past 4 years. Due to this I'll never be able to do the research I want to do in the area that I want to. It makes me absolutely miserable.
2) As hard as I try, I will never find someone who is as handsome as Adam, as protective as Paul, as geeky as Robbie and as funny as Jon, someone who believes in chivalry, someone who grabs my wrist as I walk away just so he can kiss me one more time, a boy who will be there to hold me randomly and never be afraid of what people might say, someone to always be there no matter what the circumstance. Court pointed out that this isn't such a bad thing. It keeps each one of the boys special to me. However, I'm not sure I'll ever be truly happy until I do.
3) I'll never make as much money as I want to. I want to ensure my family never has to worry about finances. That isn't to say I want my children to have everything handed to them, but I would like to support them in the way my parents never could for me. I'm much luckier than some people in the sense that my parents will acknowledge the fact that I'm starving and unable to pay the rent some times.
4) I seriously need to relax and let life happen. I'm so worried about not living life to the fullest and not finding the one for me. Maybe I am living life to the fullest I can right now, and maybe I'm not supposed to find the one just for me right now. No amount of good looks or hard work is ever going to make me feel more fulfilled or make life happen any faster. It can't be helped, but I wish I could get a good sleep at night. The more I worry about this, the more I break out.
Am I asking too much out of myself? When I tell people I'm fully content on my own am I really? A year later and do I still feel like I need someone to hold my hand? I feel like a walking contradiction. One day I'm happy, contented and feel like I can take on the world. The next I'm tired, shy and withdrawn just trying to find the person I can cling to. I'm so afraid to lose my independence yet I'm so willing to give everything I've learned in the past year up just so I can be in love again.
Doesn't that seem strange to you? If so, think how I feel. It's hard going day by day with your head and your heart in two different places at two different times. Life could be worse, but besides having no job, no money and no prospects, it's looking pretty grey from where I'm standing. Where the hell did that damn colour pallet go? I want it back.
Have you ever come to the realization that no matter how hard you work, how good you look, how much money you save, really no matter what you do some things will never be obtainable? I came to that realization on four different accounts today. Each being of a somewhat different category but all semi related.
1) No matter how hard I work, I will never be the smartest girl I know, and I will never get into grad school because of the lack of effort I've put into school over the past 4 years. Due to this I'll never be able to do the research I want to do in the area that I want to. It makes me absolutely miserable.
2) As hard as I try, I will never find someone who is as handsome as Adam, as protective as Paul, as geeky as Robbie and as funny as Jon, someone who believes in chivalry, someone who grabs my wrist as I walk away just so he can kiss me one more time, a boy who will be there to hold me randomly and never be afraid of what people might say, someone to always be there no matter what the circumstance. Court pointed out that this isn't such a bad thing. It keeps each one of the boys special to me. However, I'm not sure I'll ever be truly happy until I do.
3) I'll never make as much money as I want to. I want to ensure my family never has to worry about finances. That isn't to say I want my children to have everything handed to them, but I would like to support them in the way my parents never could for me. I'm much luckier than some people in the sense that my parents will acknowledge the fact that I'm starving and unable to pay the rent some times.
4) I seriously need to relax and let life happen. I'm so worried about not living life to the fullest and not finding the one for me. Maybe I am living life to the fullest I can right now, and maybe I'm not supposed to find the one just for me right now. No amount of good looks or hard work is ever going to make me feel more fulfilled or make life happen any faster. It can't be helped, but I wish I could get a good sleep at night. The more I worry about this, the more I break out.
Am I asking too much out of myself? When I tell people I'm fully content on my own am I really? A year later and do I still feel like I need someone to hold my hand? I feel like a walking contradiction. One day I'm happy, contented and feel like I can take on the world. The next I'm tired, shy and withdrawn just trying to find the person I can cling to. I'm so afraid to lose my independence yet I'm so willing to give everything I've learned in the past year up just so I can be in love again.
Doesn't that seem strange to you? If so, think how I feel. It's hard going day by day with your head and your heart in two different places at two different times. Life could be worse, but besides having no job, no money and no prospects, it's looking pretty grey from where I'm standing. Where the hell did that damn colour pallet go? I want it back.
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