Last regrets?

It's my last day in Waterloo, my last night in this bed, my last time writing from here.

Tonight I said goodbye to the one person who I want to say so many things to but just don't. I said goodbye to the best adopted little sister in the entire world who 98% of the time acts older than me. I said goodbye to the best big brother in the history of existence. I said goodbye to someone I can't decide whether I like or I don't and someone who if I never saw again, I 'd be absolutely miserable.

As I sit here, well technically lay here, and tears are streaming down my face, listening to the weepies, I can only think that the past 5 years have been the best roller-coaster of my life. Deciding to come to Waterloo broke my comfort bubble. I've never been so scared but you learn so quickly to adapt to a new environment and make it your own. Waterloo is my home, going back to Orillia is going to feel nice sure, but it isn't home; not anymore.

The past 8 months particularly I've found a hidden caves worth of treasures. Between irreplaceable friendships, irreconcilable relationships, heartache and heartbreak, and deep breaths I've found a part of me that can't be replaced. These people are my heart. I'm so afraid to fall asleep because I know when I wake up tomorrow I'll have to leave it all behind.

I'm prone to making things over dramatic and I'm sure this case is no less but drama aside, it doesn't make leaving easier. Of course I know I'll be back, but how often? I'm not made of money. I don't have a job either currently... frustrating and difficult this love.

I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave.

Throwing a tantrum doesn't make time slow down. Time doesn't have a soft spot for those departing.

I should have just done it. It's not like I'd have to deal with the awkward consequences... I don't want any part of my life to be a what if.

Oh dear... my heart is exploding, breaking and full of hope

Okay, lets do this in list form.

Exploding -
- stress
- last exam ever on friday
- paper due friday
- no job
- no money
- no internet
- no jamie
- blargh

Breaking
- leaving waterloo
- moving home
- no money
- no internet
- no prospects
- no jamie
- amber
- no nix, no clue, no james lamb, no robyn, no amber, no euni, no science, no waterloo...
- no bubble tea... NO BUBBLE TEA!

Hope
- home
- zehr's (I cannot believe I'm saying that...)
- satchel
- dad
- mom
- david
- Mel
- Keri
- Emmie, Parker, Koehen, & Jaime
- Did I already say Satchel!!!!
- Mara
- Mandy!
- Swimming
- French's!
- Mariposa
- P90
- potentially still in the running for peterborough job!
- Jess
- Auntie Kathy
- Grandma!!!

Though the pros out weigh the cons right now... I still won't be able to wake up pop on the bus and go to school. I still won't be able to roll over and find I'm having a sleep over at Nix and we can go get bubble tea. I can't just see Clue and automatically feel better. I won't get to talk to Jamie whenever I want, and for as long as I want.

Ugh. While I'm excited, I'm petrified and miserable.

Last Week... ever

It's Monday April 19th and I only have 4 more days of University... ever. Unless of course I actually do my masters then I'll have another 2 years but... 4 days! That's it. I'm sad obviously, excited, nervous, and well all around a big ball of mishmashed feelings.

Sure it's exciting to go off into the world and be an adult but with being an adult comes adult responsibilities. Especially since I'm moving back home and back in with Mama. I'll be back in September though since I cannot stand living at home for that long. Plus Jamie & Tom are coming then and I will not have them staying with my mom... like ever. Bad news bears.

Recording sesh 4.3

A hoi hoi.

Figured if Glee taught us anything this week its that old school greetings beat out the more commonly used ones. Example, Hello is generic, boring, and common. Similar to say an apple when used in the regular condition. However, add some flare to that greeting (Sup, Whatup, Oh hey, bonjour etc.) and your boring old apple becomes part of a home made Apple Chicken turnover (they're fantastic and anything but boring... find the recipe here: http://onapples.com/recipes/appetizers-snacks/ontario-apple-chicken-turnovers/ )

While that's all great an all and pretending to be and gangster is some what of a past time of mine nothing beat the tried and true hello...

That said, what I'm trying to say is flare is fantastic but our talents shine through when we break it down to the core. That applies to music.

Lately I've been on a recording spree. Half as a way to procrastinate, half as a way to try and get some frustrations out. Everyone needs an outlet, mine just happens to switch between having extreme ana tendencies and running like mad and recording some tunes on little astri while fighting the nasal qualities of a stuffy nose.

In 96 hours I have recorded 6 songs. Only 2 of which I like. The other 4... well they're okay but nothing I'm proud of. Not only are they pitchy, but also nasally. Nasally sounding music makes me want to decapitate kittens. Sad... I know. I recorded my own version of Anthems for a Seventeen-Year-Old Girl by Broken Social Scene. I added in an audio track behind it of me pretending to be the banjo and another of me making my own sort of secondary melody. I like it, though it needs work. It sounds relatively decent.

The 2nd I just did a bit ago. It's a Stars song called The Big Fight. I don't know how much I like it yet but still nonetheless I'm proud of this one. I ended up taking Torquil's part and throwing it up an octave so it's higher than Amy's. I can sing it lower but I liked it higher. I may re-record it lower and then layer all three just to make it sound cool, but I'm not sure yet. Again a work in progress.

My nose is damn stuffed up... where did this come from huh little nasal cavity? Not happy being clear of the gross disgusting green goo? Well go to hell.

I bought another dress off modcloth today. A pair of shoes too. I like them super much. It's hard not to buy things off there. They're all so cute. Expensive-ish, but so cute. I may end up returning them as well if I don't like them.

OK. Sleep time. Phycology studying starts tomorrow. Woo, algaeeeeee <3.

London Calling

So it's just short of 400 days until I take off to England. I've been thinking of it a lot lately. Mainly the cause of my procrastination, I cannot help but be excited.

An acquaintance of mine has an interview with the Canadian National Collection of Insects and to my extreme jealousy, I decided to look up the website. Turns out it has a giant list of applicable websites ranging from zoology and entomology to limnology and biodiversity. All sites which to me, are like gold and to most people dust.

I found a link to a page for the Biological Survey of Canada which ultimately lead me to the British National History Museum. Seems they offer a program through Imperial College London called Advanced Methods in Taxonomy and Biodiversity. I'd love to be enrolled in that. I'm such a bloody nerd oh my gosh...

Not only is it in England (which would be ideal...) but Taxonomists are rare now a days. I'd love to be a taxonomist for invertebrates. Any of them really but arthropods would be super cool. It's unfortunately I don't have much DNA analysis experience.

Sigh... I really need to get through these last 3 exams, then I can worry about saving the world though the identification of prawns...

BAHAHA.

26 degrees in April?!

That's right folks... it's almost 30. 30! That seems slightly ridiculous although I'm definitely not complaining. Though, I seriously wonder if God is just testing us to see who his true followers are. Either that or he's playing a week long April fools joke and little do we know but the snow will be back in 2 weeks.

Why am I inside when it's ever so beautiful out especially since it's Good Friday and I have the day off? I'll only be inside a bit longer. I'm currently chilling in Starbucks drinking my first double chocolatey chip frap of the year and most likely my last otherwise not only will I be poorer than I am right now by a long shot but I'll also not fit into my clothes. These things have so much sugar, fat and they taste so absolutely amazing.

Other than my starbucks bonding time, Euni and I are off to enjoy the day in Waterloo Park. I should have brought my book. We're going to take photos and be extremely narcissistic today. I cannot wait. Mainly because I rather fancy having my photo taken. Plus I want to let out my inner photographer by getting some good shots of her.

I wonder if the animals will be out in the park... It's lovely seeing them. I especially enjoy the donkey that's there. He's such an old man and reminds me of Eeyore.

Hopefully Euni will be here shortly and given that she just called she really will be here shortly!!

Hopefully we'll get some ballin' shots today. My parents need a new photo of me and I want a jumpy one.

<3.