25 things about me.

I was tagged in one of those 25-things notes on facebook. I was so in love with what I wrote I decided to put it up on here too. A few things have changed between when this happened and now so this is the more updated version.

1) Out of everything that could possibly go wrong in life whether it be your dog running away, failing a test, not be able to move etc. my biggest and most encompassing fear is finally meeting the person I'm going to marry. How is it possible that one single person will love me so unconditionally they will stay with me forever. It is a sign I'm no where near ready and makes me wonder if I'll ever get married

2) I bought a macbook for christmas last year. As much as I loved Astro, Sterio is my most prized possession besides keepsakes. She's with me everywhere I go and contains my life essentially.

3) One of my main goals in life is to be a mother and a wife. While I'm afraid of the idea, I can't imagine doing anything more rewarding. The thought of creating a life that is half you and half the one you love baffles me each time I think of it. I've never been so sure that I want children, especially after seeing my sisters go through the trials and tribulations of having kids.

4) If I could describe myself in 7 words they would be the following - passionate, volatile, fascinating, observant, intricate, hilarious, and lovely.

5) I wish I could freeze time so my step-dad will never have to feel the pain of losing Satchel. I'm not sure how he'll deal with it but I hope to God he doesn't change because of it. I couldn't deal with losing them both.

6) I have the ability of making movies in my head while people are telling them to help me understand them better. It is not as amazing as you would think. Sometimes it is quite haunting and once I've seen something, true or imagined, the image is burned into my mind. This is not always ideal.

7) I am completely and wholeheartedly obsessed with Astrology, Atlantis, Dragons, Faeries, Spirits, Angels and the elements. I love the stories and the magic behind it all. I love the mystery it holds and how much there is to learn. I can draw you a natal chart and even have a program on my computer to do it. I love all things white and mystical. A romantic view of a semi-valid subject makes me the most vivid dreamer in history.

8) I have the greatest group of friends. I've never had a large group or felt completely myself around anyone other than these people (give or take a handful). I'm content to know that should I be in a car accident, go missing or killed (via tragic accident or otherwise) there will be at least 8 people outside of my immediate family completely heartbroken. I never thank them enough for being there for me and accepting me for who I am.

9) My biggest dream is to travel across Canada before I adventure anywhere else in the world (America excluded of course). I've lived in Ontario, been through Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and Quebec. Unfortunately this is only 5 of 13. I should probably pick it up since Graduation is upon us and should I have the time and the money I want to go to Ireland with every fiber of my being.

10) I adore my ipod. Her name is Asterionella (Astri for short). She is named after my favourite diatom in the whole world. All seems right in the world when I'm listening to music and I always drift into my own world. I do this and it is not always good. For example: I like to turn my music up really loud and drift. This makes me believe my world is a movie and I'm observing from 3rd person, similar to how I dream. This is what happens when I do so... I become so withdrawn into what I'm listening to and think I'm so cool, I do not notice large patches of ice and bail completely. This is not fun.

11) I'm a completely narcissist. I love taking photos of me and find it almost impossible to walk past a mirror without trying to make sure I look decent.

12) All I want in life is to be a respectable lady.

13) Texting, IM-ing and informal chatting does not constitute as an excuse to use improper grammar or incorrect spelling. Also, the excessive use of emoticons is unacceptable. The one emoticon that should be used is ' :P '. This is to indicate sarcasm online since it is poorly translated. There is one person in the world who is exempt from this rule -- my father. This is because he knows no better and I'm proud of him for taking the initiative to stay somewhat tech savvy. Due to his ability to use IM programs it allows us to communicate quickly and efficiently. My largest pet peeve is when people spell the word ' Definitely' with an 'A'. I tell you, DEFINATELY is not a word. Should you not know how to spell I suggest using a spell checking program in your browser and IM program. Resources are available to make you look like less of an idiot to the world. I'm not the best speller or user of grammar in the universe and I do not pretend to be. I do however know how to fucking well recognize a root word. What the hell does 'finate' mean? Yeah, that's what I thought... NOTHING!

14) I keep a journal. It is my soul in a book. Should you be one of the lucky few people to read it, I offer my congratulations. Welcome to my shut up world of shadows. My journal is the one place I leave my fears and anxieties, my heart aches and heart breaks, and all of my frustrations. I seem to only be able to write when there is something going on in my life and when I'm feeling unsettled. Poor thing hasn't been paid much attention lately. It's been almost a month since I've written anything. If I know myself as well as I pretend to, that should change soon enough. I'm currently interviewing for the next chapter of excitement. If you're interested, please contact me.

15) My favourite colour is red followed closely by sea green. Red is a strong statement, one that I used to be afraid to make however, I'm not so scared anymore and it looks nice on me since I'm so pale. Sea green is the colour I've fallen in love with. Originally out of sympathy for the crayon, this colour has found its way into my heart and for no particular reason become something very dear to me.

16) I still sleep with the stuffed animal my father bought me before I was born. His name is Puffy due to my inability to say Puffalump when I was a child. He is no longer puffy and more of a lump. He recently underwent extensive surgery for repairs. He has been my constant companion for 21 years, never judging, always listening and offering an ear for me to chew on or use to wipe my ears. Never have I loved something material more. I would do anything to keep him, protect him and ensure his safety. At some point in time He will be put away so I can keep him in decent condition but I'm hoping its not for a while. I want him to be buried//cremated with me when I pass away but whether he is still in my possession and in one piece is yet to be seen. Only time will tell.

17) I dream constantly. When I'm awake, when I'm asleep, in interviews, during exams, always. It is not something I'm proud of or even encourage. I am consistent in my dreaming style. Always in colour, sound, and 3rd person. I've perhaps once or twice in my life remembered a dream where I was acting in first person. In these dreams I'm generally kissing someone or partaking in some other intimate activity. I'd hate to have a dream where I watch myself kiss someone. It would seem so cold and uninteresting.

18) There is half of me that is so in love with the fact my parents aren't together anymore. I don't think I'd be as strong as I am right now or have as much admiration for both of them as I do. I never would have got my 2nd family - Keri, Mel, Dave, Satchel and the kids. I wouldn't trade them for anything because they have indeed helped me get through all of it. Sorry girls, as much as I love you, Satchel was the deciding factor. The second half of me though wonders what it would be like to come home to both my parents, not have to split holidays, worry about my mom on valentines day, worry about my dad being alone, wonder whether I would be where I am etc. I could play the what if game until blue in the face. I'm happy I had them together for as long as I did, a lot of kids don't get that.

19) When I go to bed I think about the day. When I wake up in the morning, I'm usually still thinking about that day. I have a tendency to cling to things, make a bigger deal of things than necessary, hold grudges, start arguments, be over sensitive and I hate being wrong. I also act like I'm 6 the majority of the time.

20) My life is filled with truly amazing people who continue to inspire and motivate me everyday. Each one of them is different and together we have an extremely intense dynamic. It's not everyday you can find this and I'm very thankful I did.

21) I love dancing. Enough said.

22) I need to be around water. It is a part of me, elemental and otherwise. There is very little water in Waterloo and it makes me sad that you have to travel an hour to get to the nearest beach. I adore laying in the bath submerged under the water until I can't hold my breath anymore. The way the light splits on the surface is spectacular.

23) I despise the dark. I think it's a wretched thing. I sleep with my blinds open so I can have the light of the moon and street lights shining in my room, as well as my computer screen open and a night light. It is just enough dark I can sleep without being disturbed and light enough I can identify all the shadows.

24) I don't want to become an ecologist because I want to save the world. I want to become an ecologist because I love the world. We live in an extremely sensitive environment and the more people realize that the better. It may seem like such a small change in the nutrient patterns of the lakes and oceans will cause no harm but continue that small change over a greater time period and you have a very large problem. I want to ensure that certain invertebrates like mollusks and hydras survive this generation and continue to cause wonder and excitement in the next.

25) I bite my fingernails. I have since I was 3 and have failed many time to stop. Please do not tell me it is disgusting and unladylike, I know. Don't tell me I should quit, it only makes me want to continue just to spite you. The exception is if I am gnawing away on the during a conversation. Not only is this rude but can cause a very uncomfortable situation for the attending party. Using my Mother's technique of asking if I'm hungry allows me to realize what I'm doing and saves me the embarrassment of being called out bluntly.