Explosion!

It's not like anything happened, so there are no dead bodies, or crazy amounts of soup on the floor (though last night Euni and I made soup and it was awesome).

Yesterday I had bubble tea with a friend of mine and it was one of those big, let me rant to you for 2 hours as an impartial party, inexpensive therapy sessions. I have a lot of things I want to say but I just don't know how to say them and 99% of the reason I don't know how to say it, is because I'm afraid to. PETRIFIED!  Have you ever needed to say something to someone, to see what they think, to see if you're crazy but are completely terrified they'll over react, or brush it off, or make you feel like an idiot for thinking these things? Well, that's pretty well just it.

I mean for one it's impossible timing and essentially always will be. You can't do something like this during this time of year or during the other 45 weeks of the year, it's just mean and what a weight to throw at someone. It's no doubt going to be kind of brushed off (and I can hope it won't) but I need to get this out. I suppose I'll just wait until Christmas break, perhaps see if I can visit, but it won't be in a drunken mess at new years.

I need to sit down and really get my thoughts in order, get everything I want to say sorted and present it in a way that won't get a defensive response. It's not an attack, just an inquiry, a plea for help. And yeah, I think about things way too much which probably makes me over analyze or take things more personally than I should but that's something that I can't change. It's not my fault that I'm sensitive when it comes to things like this.

I just feel like this is going to build up until I explode and besides, I was told to communicate.