Tues-daze

I've been in a bloomin' daze all day. My stomach is killing me due to the worst antibiotics ever. I can't eat anything because it feels like someone is inside with a razor sharp knife slicing every epithelial cell in there. What I've managed to keep down today? Pomegranate - cranberry tea... that's all folks. Everything else has come back up and it's not been pretty.

Between the sweet sounds of Apparat and doing data entry for a solid hour and a half, these stomach pains have taken a back seat and I've been drifting off into sea of blurred colour. My vision is off today too. Probably just because I'm exhausted but you never know.

We've got an exec meeting tonight to talk about events coming up in the next bit. I should probably write down some stuff to talk about. I feel for shiz though. I've not been pulling my weight and as a result not only am I out of the loop but I feel like I've let everyone down. All it took to get things back on track was about an hour today though. It's just a matter of getting things done and I shouldn't be so apt to being lazy.

I want my bed, I want a plane, I want an unlimited amount of money, I want Ottawa, I want to not be sick, I want the water, I want a better body... I want too much apparently. My bed I can get in about 5 hours. A plane, well that will have to wait a year. An unlimited amount of money will never come since everything has a limit. Ottawa I can go to in 5 months from now and believe me, we'll go there. Being sick, well that's a double edged sword since one side I don't eat and this cold goes away. The other, I eat and it all comes back up in a matter of minutes. This is just another example of how stupid I am. I just ate a big dib knowing quite well that in 5 minutes or so I'll be in gut wrenching pain. This however, has yet to detour me from doing such a thing. I can currently only get water in the form of my shower. This will have to do for present I suppose. As for a better body, besides me giving myself a break from the typical harsh self criticisms I usually induce upon myself, I just need to keep running as often as I have been.

Ugh... I just want to close my eyes and fast forward time. I mean don't you hate that feeling where you just want something to happen and you know you'll handle all the in between parts well and efficiently and get all the work done you need to, but just want the time to go by more quickly?

Also. How do you explain the situation to someone. I'm going to phone my mom tonight... 7:30. Tell her all about what's going on. She already knows I'm going to England next year, the thing is she doesn't necessarily know why. I feel like I shouldn't even bother telling her about him. What's the point? I should just wait until I get over there. It would be so much easier. However, that's not all together fair now is it. I mean, his entire family knows about me. I talk to his best friend semi regularily and I'm happy! Why shouldn't my mother know.

Bah. Stupid head and heart are never on the same page. Then again, if they were how much fun would that be. The ending location is never worth getting to if you don't have to face your fears and cross a few bridges to get there.